My Reading Challenge for 2022

 This is further to my personal challenges for 2022 and more detailed, I guess. I need somewhere to keep my list too so here we are.

I'm aiming for 12 books this year, but I'm not 100% sure what yet. Book club is still in existence, but at a stalemate right now. I may have bitten off more than I could chew with creating a reading challenge and having set reads each month. 

I have the same goal with reading this year. My books will be a combination of pure enjoyment, personal growth, and therapy. I cleaned out my shelves last year and donated 134 books. In conjunction with my reading challenge I will be making sure I don't add books to my shelves unless I have read and enjoyed, or will read within the next two months. If I don't thoroughly enjoy the book, or love it, I will be donating it.

There's definitely no need for me to collect books anymore! 

Here's my reading list for 2022

• The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music by Dave Grohl (so excited to read this one)
• Seeds of Earth by Michael Cobley (this is a maybe as it's the first space opera I'm attempting to read in years)

Stay tuned for more updates 💗

My Personal Challenges for 2022

 2022. It's crazy. 2021 felt like it went incredibly fast and yet felt like it took 5 years. The weirdness that comes from socially isolating and being forced to spending most of your time at home. This isn't something I am new to, thanks to all my illnesses, but I was starting to emerge from the last depressive episode. Plus usually my partner isn't home.

I've been working on learning what I actually enjoy doing since I began therapy and stopped repressing so much. I've gotten better at grounding which means I dissociate less. I still struggle with emotions, both understanding what I am feeling and being overwhelmed. I feel like I've made progress with slowly sifting through my hobbies and joys from before trauma therapy and learning what I truly enjoy.

Painting

I  know I definitely love being creative and painting is part of this. I want to try some mixed media painting, drawing and sketching before painting, and painting on different surfaces. I've decided I am going to attempt to do one painting project a month, but I don't want to be too ambitious in case my mental health interferes so I am aiming between 8 and 12 pieces for 2022

Mindhunter by John E. Douglas & Mark Olshaker

 

FBI Special Agent and expert in criminal profiling and behavioural science, John Douglas, is a man who has looked evil in the eye and made a vocation of understanding it. Now retired, Douglas can let us inside the FBI elite serial crime unit and into the disturbed minds of some of the most savage serial killers in the world.

The man who was the inspiration for Special Agent Jack Crawford in The Silence of the Lambs and who lent the film's makers his expertise explains how he invented and established the practice of criminal profiling; what it was like to submerge himself mentally in the world of serial killers to the point of 'becoming' both perpetrator and victim; and individual case histories including those of Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy and the Atlanta child murders.

With the fierce page-turning power of a bestselling novel, yet terrifyingly true, Mindhunter is a true crime classic.

Just My Thoughts

Crochet: Ripple Blanket

 Finally. Finally! I have finished the blanket I have been working on since the late end of August. It took me two months. The longest time it had taken me to make a blanket before that was one month. I took so many breaks from crochet. I think it was a combination of doing the same stitch, getting bored, all the stressful things happening with my diabetes and Winston's health. I tell you what, you can have Type 1 Diabetes for 10 years, or 30 years, it's still going to be a pain in the arse. 

I won't go on about how shit diabetes is, but I will say I am switching from the Freestyle Libre 1 to the Freestyle Libre 2. Apparently it's more accurate, of course being second generation, which means not having to check my blood sugar before I bolus. This is something that blows my mind! I've been checking my blood sugar for more than 30 years. I love technology, science, and medical research. So good!

Challenge Item #15: Ripple Blanket 

Crochet: Modern Oma Blanket

 Can you believe I'm up to project #14 already? Usually I'm a crocheter that gets so distracted by new projects, and mental breakdowns lol, that I finish probably about 5 items a year. I have made a bunch of things, placemats, coasters, a cushion cover, bags, a very large blanket, socks, beanies, baby blankets, and other things I've forgotten about, but this year has been the year I have really committed to finishing everything I start. It's worked! I'm quite proud of myself. 

This is the point I felt like something much different than scarves. Scarves were great to give my confidence a boost when it came to completing projects, but after awhile you need a break.

Challenge Item #14: Modern Oma Blanket

Crochet: V-Stitch Scarfie

I've been spending a lot of time journaling for therapy and playing video games to avoid all the things. With Winston still being sick, but stable, and now family members having Covid, I tend to do this thing where I detach emotionally to cope with it. By way of video games. I also took a break from crochet, but I'm getting back into it. I'm working on a blanket. Blankets take for ever, to my brain, and I get bored. It's nice to know if I can handle a long project with the same stitch though. I'll be happy when I finish it. 

Challenge Item #13: V-Stitch Scarfie

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

 

A richly inventive novel about a centuries-old vampire, a spellbound witch, and the mysterious manuscript that draws them together.

Deep in the stacks of Oxford's Bodleian Library, young scholar Diana Bishop unwittingly calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript in the course of her research. 

Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Diana wants nothing to do with sorcery; so after a furtive glance and a few notes, she banishes the book to the stacks. 

But her discovery sets a fantastical underworld stirring, and a horde of daemons, witches, and vampires soon descends upon the library. Diana has stumbled upon a coveted treasure lost for centuries-and she is the only creature who can break its spell.

Just My Thoughts

Crochet: Go With The Flow Scarf

I just killed my phone lol I dropped it and now the screen is gone and the phone is so dead. The funny thing is I was planning to buy a new one on Saturday, payday 😭 I can't... Besides posting and updating things via my Mac, which is ancient, my phone is one of the main devices I use to access crochet patterns and Ravelry. Can I survive for 2.5 days? Who knows? It's funny how dependant we get on our smart phones. Luckily I transferred all my photos over to my Mac the other day and I'm currently making a ripple blanket so don't need to refer to crochet notes. 

Seriously, the odds. You've gotta laugh.

Winston Is A Champ

Original Post

Following is Update #2 - About 2 weeks ago 

You know what one of the biggest lessons I've learnt since beginning treatment for PTSD? Not everyone is an arsehole! Most people seem to be wonderful and kind. I say seem because this is a generalisation and I haven't met everyone in the world. I'm also still messed up by years of trauma and my go-to trauma brain thinks everyone is a prick and untrustworthy.

I say this because it amazes me every day and I'm so grateful now. Ridiculously so. If it wasn't pandemic times I think I might hug people when before I could barely make eye contact. Crazy!

So the original vet hospital I took Winston to were amazing. Even though I was triggered and losing my shit for not being able to administer an injection, they were amazing. So professional, sympathetic, and all-round wonderful.

Then my local vet, not an exotics vet by the way, have been wonderful too. I was able to arrange with them to bring Winston over for his daily injection without a consultation which would have really f'ed me up financially (what finances though? LOL). Even better is they are a block away and within my 5km radius (I'm in a covid-19 red zone at the moment).

Crochet: Waffle Stitch Scarf

 Someone asked if they could order one of my scarves today! I am giving it to them and not charging them for it. These scarves were going to go to charity, originally, but given the state of things and how long this lockdown is going for (3 months so far, I think), I would be happy for any of these scarves to go to a new owner instead of sitting in storage for a year. I have months to make a bunch of scarves and blankets for charity, but only so much space in storage.

Just having someone saying they loved my crochet enough to want to order it for themselves was wonderful. I am mostly crocheting for the fun of it and because it is relaxing, but it's also validating having positive feedback.

Challenge Item #11: Waffle Stitch Scarf

Crochet: Grey & Brown Pavement Scarf

I've been quieter than usual. Across all social media I'm on. I guess that's saying something because I'm already a quiet poster on everything 😅 I've been preoccupied with Winston and his health. I'm still crocheting, but I've become more withdrawn while I'm focusing on Winston. I'll probably do a separate update about him and his treatment later when I'm not so tired.

Challenge Item #10: Grey & Brown Pavement Scarf

Description

This was meant to be an infinity scarf, but I decided on making it a regular scarf. What we've ended up with is a, mostly, grey and brown scarf which is both chunky and lacy. Thanks to the combination of the bulk of the yarn and the pattern type it's got a lovely drape to it.

Hook Size and Yarn

Hook: 9 M/N  Yarn: On this one I have used Lion Brand Heartland Thick & Quick in Sequoia (brown) and Katmai (grey). After trying to use what I had left and having a bit leftover from my last project, I was finally able to finish with the sequoia. Before I was able to get through with it in Black Canyon (black) I had begun another project, but ended up not having enough in that colour. So I thought, how about I make two of these projects and buy an extra colour which would go with the black and the brown? Hence having Katmai. 

Winston Needs Medicine and It's Triggering

 I have two rabbits. Winston and Hazel. Hazel is the youngest at around 4 years old. Winston is my oldest, at roughly 9 years, and MY BOI. Back in 2012 I was socially isolated and not coping. Instead of adopting a dog, as I was going to do with my ex, I went with a rabbit.

I didn't realise back then I had CPTSD and my hypervigilance was off the charts. I love dogs. I love all animals. I just couldn't be around dogs because they would trigger my startle response with their barking. I thought it was the ME/CFS sensitivities at the time, but now I know better. I was intensely startled every time a dog barked.

Long story short, yes there is more story, I went and adopted a rabbit. It wasn't Winston. It was my beloved Fiver whom I named after Fiver in Watership Down by Richard Adams. Fiver saved my sanity at the time and unfortunately he passed away after six months of me adopting him. That's a trauma story I am saving for Mrs Yellow.

I was still socially isolated, suffering from depression, and quite unwell after Fiver passed. I lasted two weeks before the lack of sound little padded feet made started to drive me madder and I adopted Winston in 2013. That's a long time to have a bunny companion. He has been there for my depression, kept me going when I was suicidal, gave me a reason to get up in the morning. We bonded hard when I adopted him. I have been dreading him getting older...

Crochet: Black & Brown Mini Cowl

I've been thinking of other things to blog about besides crochet. I have other subjects, but after I think of them I get tired and cbf so here's some more crochet... I'm also reading, but I'm taking my time doing it. 

I'm beginning to question whether I should sell my crocheted items and then donate the money to charity. At this rate, with lockdown and season changes, I don't think any of my crochet is going anywhere for awhile. I did decide to put everything I made into storage for donation next Winter, but the more I think about it the more it bugs me. I don't have that much storage lol 

I could have a break from crochet, but what madness do we live in where that's an option?

Crochet: Ribbed Mini Cowl

 It's been so long since I posted an update on my crochet challenge I've forgotten how I've set these posts out lol. Of course it's not really that long.... is it? July 12th was the last crochet post. Not even a month! Of course being in lockdown makes one month feel like six. 

I've shaken off the Lockdown Fever since then and crocheted a shit load of things. Ok maybe 6 things. I've been reading, doing crochet, reading some more, doing more crochet, contracting oodie madness. Honestly, I can't. My fucking oodie is the shit. To be able to have a cup of tea, sit in my rocking chair, wearing my oodie, and crochet is bliss. BLISS. 

Given that we are in lockdown, super tight lockdown (my movements are restricted to a 5km radius from my home now, not that I go out except for bunny veggies because they can't be delivered damnit), I can't give any of the scarves to charity. This hasn't stopped me from making them though. Instead I am going to carry on and put them in storage until next winter. 

First Dose Done

 That's right. I've had my first dose of covid-19 vaccine. Yay! I'm quite pleased about it so obviously I am very pro-vaccines and pro-vaccine education. I wholeheartedly believe everyone should get vaccinated, voluntarily, and as soon as it is available for them. 

I got the Pfizer vaccine. I'm eligible, here in Australia, even though I am under 40 because I have Type 1 Diabetes. Add on to that my history with clotting and my clotting gene mutation and it definitely rules out AstraZeneca. I would have applied for the AstraZeneca if it wasn't for all my clotting issues and even went to my GP as soon as it was available, but I'll probably post about the whys another time. 

For those Sydney-siders waiting to get their first dose done I though I'd share my experience with you. 

I won't get into the applying process as we're all experiencing a fun time with that. I booked my appointments and had a two month wait for the hub at Sydney Olympic Park.

The vaccination process itself was quite smooth. When I went, unfortunately, they had a big ol' technical glitch. Their system crashed. It was so unfortunate given Wednesday was so cold! It meant they were running 1.5 - 2 hours behind. My appointment was 5:15pm and they were still at 3:45pm when I showed up. Early. Of course. Before 5pm.

Happiness Where You Can Find It

Prepare yourself as my inner nerd is about to appear.

 What is one thing I really enjoy doing? Filling out forms and answering questionnaires. Yep. I love my forms (unless it's Centrelink) Census is upon us here in Australia for August. This brought back memories. I've found, increasingly, since I began therapy for the PTSD, I'm recalling memories which are not trauma. It's quite exciting, but also feels a little strange. A more "What is this?" fascination for me. 

Anyway, so the topic of census looming came up and I remembered when I was a kid how excited I would be by census date. Of course crushing disappointment would follow the initial excitement when I was told I couldn't fill it out because I was obviously too young. Before I understood what census was all I knew was the night was special. Everyone had to be at home, my parents would get together and fill out this form for what felt like ages with an air of importance. To me it was a special occasion, an event, with excitement in the air.

I also felt this when I was admitted to hospital or a parent played hooky from work.

Crochet: Ribbed Twist Cowl

 I've been really restless and bored. I've had lockdown fever. I'm not bothered by it. If anything I find it interesting and I would rather be restless than have covid. A year ago, during lockdown, I wasn't bothered about being in lockdown. Staying at home wasn't a big deal for me. I was used to it. However, after extensive therapy, including exposure therapy, and working on challenging myself to be more social (within pandemic reason of course), I am restless AF.

I keep walking around the house stating I am bored out loud lol and my crochet projects... Urgh, so annoying. I can't seem to stick to any. A couple I have gotten half way done and then unravelled the whole thing. Then the amount I have begun only to unravel after a few rows..... LOCKDOWN FEVER.

Before it was all anxiety, OCD, and avoidance keeping me busy. That shit can burn through a lot of time. So I started playing with my projects, not following a pattern, and doing really quick projects instead. It seems to satisfy my crochet itch.

In other news, Nephew C asked me to teach him how to crochet. I'm so proud.

Crochet: Classic Ribbed Scarf

I mentioned I needed a break from the yarn I was using in my last post so I've switched and it's been very satisfying. After this scarf though I might stick to cowls, but I am contemplating making my own scarf next. I dunno. Whatever mood strikes when I start my next project I guess. 

I finished this scarf before we went into lockdown. While the temptation to just sit and crochet, as I binge shows, is great it's not something I'm a fan of doing during a stay at home order. Take it from someone who had a good 8 year stint of being housebound; variety is the spice of life when it comes to hobbies and keeping preoccupied.

Challenge Item #6: Classic Ribbed Scarf

Crochet: V-Stitch Scarf

 It's scarf time. This is one I did when I was still recovering from being sick. The next one will be for my SO as she doesn't have a black scarf and we are heading to Tasmania at the end of the month. We need all the warmth we can get! It might snow. I haven't been near snow since I was a kid. It's exciting.
I'm happy with my crochet challenge so far. I feel like I'm getting through the yarn. It does help I've decided to start with the bulkier yarn and I do have a lot of it 👀

Challenge Item #5: V-Stitch Scarf

Description

This is a two-toned, apparently I love two-toned, scarf using pink and cream with one half mirroring the other in style, but swapped colours.

The pattern does have a bulkier feel to it compared to other V-stitch patterns, but still with a lacy factor.

The dimensions come to 210cm (82inches) long x 24cm (9.4inches) wide which makes it the longest scarf I have made yet. I love a long scarf, but after this one I'm going to scale it back down to 190cm (75inches) in length.

Normal People by Sally Rooney

 Trigger Warning Note: Before I comment on this novel I want to make others aware of a possible trigger. I realised it was a trigger for me as lately I've been responding to triggers with overwhelming sadness. Halfway through the book there was an interaction between the main characters which made me want to cry. This, for me, is a large trigger response and I realised there were a few triggers earlier on. I read a sentence which made me question whether one of the characters was abused as a child and I want readers to be aware if you are also an adult survivor of child abuse. It's not a detailed account and the triggers earlier on in the story are more subtle, but they are still there.

At school Connell and Marianne pretend not to know each other. He’s popular and well-adjusted, star of the school soccer team while she is lonely, proud, and intensely private. But when Connell comes to pick his mother up from her housekeeping job at Marianne’s house, a strange and indelible connection grows between the two teenagers - one they are determined to conceal.

A year later, they’re both studying at Trinity College in Dublin. Marianne has found her feet in a new social world while Connell hangs at the sidelines, shy and uncertain. Throughout their years in college, Marianne and Connell circle one another, straying toward other people and possibilities but always magnetically, irresistibly drawn back together. Then, as she veers into self-destruction and he begins to search for meaning elsewhere, each must confront how far they are willing to go to save the other.

Just My Thoughts