Catching Up II

 So it's May....

I was just checking what I posted last and realised my last post was March. What have I been doing in all that time? April felt like it was about four days long. Easter happened, therapy, more painting, plans for the future, Dune, and crochet.

I went to the Easter Show. Let's start there seeing as I went the first weekend after it opened and that's pretty much in the beginning of April. I was really excited about the Easter Show. I was more excited about it than I was about Mardi Gras which is saying something. Gay Christmas and all.

I hadn't been in a few years, I think. I was going to say I haven't been since I was 14, but I feel like I've gone as an adult and possibly repressed it... Either that or I went with someone I'm not fond of anymore. Either way - REPRESSED.

Basically I was excited because it was an event I could actually participate in and I haven't been post-PTSD-treatment. I may be midst treatment, but there's been so much progress. I want to try out things with my fresher level of awareness and with my grounding techniques in place. The Easter Show is also where I remember going to as a kid and watching the parade, but blocking it from my memory. Everything else around the parade I remember, including the large frog hat I wore and being on my father's shoulders, but the parade? Apparently fuck the parade. I didn't see it this time 'round either. I forgot about it.

I didn't flip out and enjoyed myself. I dissociated at times, but not all day. I even went on a ride, The Pirate's Revenge, and didn't hate it. I've now figured out heights can be scary, but it's more the vertigo I get and then the motion sickness from movement. I'll probably not go on a roller coaster, but I will consider more rides.

What else?

Mardi Gras 2021

 I went to the 2021 Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras last Saturday. I go almost every year. It's Gay Christmas after all. It's a huge special event in the queer community. Usually I don't watch the parade though. I dress up, paint my face, and go clubbing with my friends. We have pre-drinks and then we head into the city and dance all night. Well my friends and partner dance all night. I start dancing, then space out, and end up going outside to make friends with total strangers. All the while spacing out hardcore. It took me awhile to realise there were certain triggers cropping up when I was out clubbing. I'm still trying to figure out the need to leave my group of friends, go outside, and socialise, but I'll get there.

There are several reasons why I don't usually watch the parade. Given Mardi Gras is a popular event of course you're going to have to get there early to grab a good spot for viewing. I don't like being hemmed in, touched and pushed, exposed to smells which will set off my allergies, and these are all things which happen during the parade. I realised recently the other thing I don't like about parades aren't the parades themselves, but the sensory stimulation. There's a lot going on. There's a great deal of noise. It puts me on edge.