Robopocalypse by Daniel H. Wilson

 Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 24.01.2016

In the near future, at a moment no one will notice, all the dazzling technology that runs our world will unite and turn against us. Taking on the persona of a shy human boy, a childlike but massively powerful artificial intelligence known as Archos comes online and assumes control over the global network of machines that regulate everything from transportation to utilities, defense and communication.

In the months leading up to this, sporadic glitches are noticed by a handful of unconnected humans – a single mother disconcerted by her daughter’s menacing “smart” toys, a lonely Japanese bachelor who is victimized by his domestic robot companion, an isolated U.S. soldier who witnesses a ‘pacification unit’ go haywire – but most are unaware of the growing rebellion until it is too late.

When the Robot War ignites — at a moment known later as Zero Hour — humankind will be both decimated and, possibly, for the first time in history, united. Robopocalypse is a brilliantly conceived action-filled epic, a terrifying story with heart-stopping implications for the real technology all around us…and an entertaining and engaging thriller unlike anything else written in years.

My Review

From Therapy to The Future

 I just had a full day of therapy and I feel like my brain is about to explode. I need to stare into space for an hour to process. A full day is appointments with my psychologist and psychiatrist, 2 hours tops, but holy shit it's enough to melt my brain. 

They were really good sessions, but I think the reason my brain is melting is because of the topics we discussed. It's really hitting home for me how disruptive and erratic my life has been. I've been living day-to-day, taking everything as it comes. I've needed to in the past and it's what I am accustomed to. Now I've been presented with the idea I can create goals for my life and strive for something in the future. It's just.... WTF dude?

This is where I am in my life. I've been working so hard on reaching the goal of normalcy, stability, well-rounded health for so long I haven't truly believed I could get there. Now I'm almost at a precipice where these possibilities are somewhere on the horizon and every time it comes up my mind is blown. I'm starting to think my head actually hurts after these moments because my brain is being forced to change. It needs to change for me to actually accept all these ideas can be a part of my life. It's flooring. I don't know what I want to do with myself. Part of me wants to cry.

I'm sure this sounds dramatic to someone out there, especially when their life has been full of stability and consistency. That doesn't throw me at all. I'm actually happy for those people, but to me they are also unicorns. We're talking about a unicorn life here. Unicorns all over the place. Unicorn city

My Fitbit Broke

 My Fitbit broke the other day and I think it might be a great thing.

I've been using a fitness tracker, off and on, since 2012. First Fitbit, then Garmin, and back to Fitbit. In 2012 I was suffering from muscle weakness after years of being unwell with ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome) and FM (fibromyalgia) to the point of being bed-bound for quite some time. I was fortunate to move out west and receive wonderful health care by people in the profession who gave a shit and didn't ascribe my condition to depression or being lazy 😒 

Yeah, the whole ME/CFS and FMS experience I had with health professionals back then is definitely a sore point for me. Anyway, back to what I was saying before I go off on a tangent. 

I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolus (three blood clots in the lungs) in late 2012. By this point I wasn't eating, existing on sustagen instead, and just a mess. Mentally and physically. The benefits of using a fitness tracker, at the time, was the motivation it gave me to reach my goals of slowly, oh so slowly, building up my muscle mass again. It was hard work, but I had to introduce movement back into my life no matter how much pain I was in. Not only had I been diagnosed with a PE, but it turns out I have a gene mutation which causes excess clotting. 

I didn't process the trauma of having PE very well. The benefits of using a fitness tracker were still there, but I also have anxiety and OCD so... eventually the fitness tracker became a problem as well. 

Beatrice and Virgil by Yann Martel

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 02.10.2012

Fate takes many forms. . . .

When Henry receives a letter from an elderly taxidermist, it poses a puzzle that he cannot resist. As he is pulled further into the world of this strange and calculating man, Henry becomes increasingly involved with the lives of a donkey and a howler monkey—named Beatrice and Virgil—and the epic journey they undertake together.

With all the spirit and originality that made Life of Pi so beloved, this brilliant new novel takes the reader on a haunting odyssey. On the way Martel asks profound questions about life and art, truth and deception, responsibility and complicity.

My Review

Painting Update

 I did it, I am painting! If you want, check out my previous post about attempting to paint here.

I've painted one and a half paintings. I had something else in my mind to begin with, but ended up creating something out of my practice run. I don't like wasting things, including paint, so I wanted to use what was left over. Hence two and a half paintings.

It's been fun. I'm not sure if I'll share it yet and if I do it will probably be over at instagram. We'll see. I get incredibly self-conscious about certain things. That's on my list of things to figure out why.

I had this thought one day where I considered using something other than a paintbrush to paint with. What about a chopstick? So I painted with a chopstick, and a fork, and a sewing needle! It was great. They gave me more control and I like smallish scale detail rather than larger, which is what I inevitably end up doing with paintbrushes. Give me a paint brush and I go a bit crazy, haha.

I'm going to keep painting, see how it goes, until I fill the art book I got. Then I'll decide if I'll keep doing it or not. I'm yet to decide if I find it relaxing. Maybe it's been so long since I truly relaxed I don't remember what it feels like. Oh jeez, that's ridiculous.

Here's to finding new interests 💗

Finding Good Podcasts

 I've recently been getting into podcasts. It's not the first time I've listened to them, but I've been actively listening to them on a regular basis. I watch a lot of true crime about serial killers, which is crazy given I have past traumas and PTSD. True crime can be really triggering when you think about it. Still, one of my favourite things to do to chill is to crochet while I watch a good crime doco.

My desire to listen to podcasts lately came when I realised I knew more about American serial killers than Australian. It's not that Australia doesn't have serial killers, but there's far more documentaries about American ones. Of course I know about Ivan Milat, Martin Bryant, and the Melbourne Underground. I don't have to watch documentaries to know about them.

I don't watch, listen, or read news if I can help it. I hate it. It not only pisses me off with how it is delivered and sensationalised, but aspects of it are quite triggering for me. So unless it's a big world event, like Covid for instance, I will ignore the news. Mostly I get my updates from those around me. If it's a big enough event people will talk about it. Hence why I know about Ivan Milat, Martin Bryant, and the Melbourne Underground.

Anyway, back on track. I decided to start listening to a few Australian true crime podcasts as I don't think I could read books on the subject.

So far I've literally listened to Australian True Crime then switched to On Guard about prisons in Australia. I tried listening to Weird Crap in Australia, but I hate conspiracy theories. Now I'm listening to the Vice's Extremes, which is pretty cool.

One slight ramble later - if you have a podcast you love and think it's a good recommendation for others, tell me why, and I might listen to it. It doesn't have to be Australian-based, or true crime. It could be funny... Um yeah, podcast recommendations please 💗

25 Perfect Days by Mark Tullius

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 08.08.2013

A totalitarian state doesn’t just happen overnight. It’s a slow, dangerous slide. 25 Perfect Days chronicles the path into a hellish future of food shortages, contaminated water, sweeping incarceration, an ultra-radical religion, and the extreme measures taken to reduce the population.

Higher taxes, strict gun control, an oppressive healthcare system. Complete media control, genetically modified food, experimentation on citizens. The push of depersonalising technology, unending wars, government sanctioned assassinations. Is this collection of stories merely science fiction or soon to be fact? Are these policies designed for the greater good or disguised to benefit a chosen few at the expense of the masses? Is this brave new world the best we could do or part of a sinister grand plan?

Through these twenty-five interlinked stories, each written from a different character’s point of view, 25 Perfect Days captures the sacrifice, courage, and love needed to survive and eventually overcome this dystopian nightmare.

My Review 

Painting and Relaxing Hobbies

 I decided the other day I am going to attempt to paint. Yep. I love art. I've never studied it, I've only ever appreciated it. I am a creative person, but I'm not sure about artistic. I've always wanted to paint. I say always wanted to, but I have attempted it several times before. Usually I get frustrated with it because I can't replicate the detail in my head. I have very high standards which I've been working on loosening, but that's another post for another day.

I love colour and each time I have painted in the past it's always with blocks of colour. The last time I attempted to paint though, it became a mess of browns and blacks. I was very angry and depressed at the time so that may be why.... 

There's a couple of reasons for why I want to attempt painting. Firstly I have a huge issue with relaxing. It's so difficult. After my bout of physio for my lower back and bunched nerve, I realised the CPTSD, OCD, and anxiety are keeping my muscles clenched all the bloody time. The hypervigilance doesn't help, but if I zone out enough to not notice my surroundings then I go and dissociate. I'm trying to relax and be mindful. I struggle to meditate these days too, or sit long enough to do yoga. 

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi

Zélie Adebola remembers when the soil of Orïsha hummed with magic. Burners ignited flames, Tiders beckoned waves, and Zélie’s Reaper mother summoned forth souls.

But everything changed the night magic disappeared. Under the orders of a ruthless king, maji were killed, leaving Zélie without a mother and her people without hope.

Now Zélie has one chance to bring back magic and strike against the monarchy. With the help of a rogue princess, Zélie must outwit and outrun the crown prince, who is hell-bent on eradicating magic for good.

Danger lurks in Orïsha, where snow leoponaires prowl and vengeful spirits wait in the waters. Yet the greatest danger may be Zélie herself as she struggles to control her powers and her growing feelings for an enemy.

Just My Thoughts

Mardi Gras 2021

 I went to the 2021 Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras last Saturday. I go almost every year. It's Gay Christmas after all. It's a huge special event in the queer community. Usually I don't watch the parade though. I dress up, paint my face, and go clubbing with my friends. We have pre-drinks and then we head into the city and dance all night. Well my friends and partner dance all night. I start dancing, then space out, and end up going outside to make friends with total strangers. All the while spacing out hardcore. It took me awhile to realise there were certain triggers cropping up when I was out clubbing. I'm still trying to figure out the need to leave my group of friends, go outside, and socialise, but I'll get there.

There are several reasons why I don't usually watch the parade. Given Mardi Gras is a popular event of course you're going to have to get there early to grab a good spot for viewing. I don't like being hemmed in, touched and pushed, exposed to smells which will set off my allergies, and these are all things which happen during the parade. I realised recently the other thing I don't like about parades aren't the parades themselves, but the sensory stimulation. There's a lot going on. There's a great deal of noise. It puts me on edge.

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

I've been in this life for fifty years, been trying to work out its riddle for forty-two, and been keeping diaries of clues to that riddle for the last thirty-five. Notes about successes and failures, joys and sorrows, things that made me marvel, and things that made me laugh out loud. How to be fair. How to have less stress. How to have fun. How to hurt people less. How to get hurt less. How to be a good man. How to have meaning in life. How to be more me.

Recently, I worked up the courage to sit down with those diaries. I found stories I experienced, lessons I learned and forgot, poems, prayers, prescriptions, beliefs about what matters, some great photographs, and a whole bunch of bumper stickers. I found a reliable theme, an approach to living that gave me more satisfaction, at the time, and still: If you know how, and when, to deal with life's challenges - how to get relative with the inevitable - you can enjoy a state of success I call 'catching greenlights.'

So I took a one-way ticket to the desert and wrote this book: an album, a record, a story of my life so far. This is fifty years of my sights and seens, felts and figured-outs, cools and shamefuls. Graces, truths, and beauties of brutality. Getting away withs, getting caughts, and getting wets while trying to dance between the raindrops.

Hopefully, it's medicine that tastes good, a couple of aspirin instead of the infirmary, a spaceship to Mars without needing your pilot's license, going to church without having to be born again, and laughing through the tears.

It's a love letter. To life.

It's also a guide to catching more greenlights - and to realising that the yellows and reds eventually turn green too.

Good luck.

Just My Thoughts

172 Hours on the Moon by Johan Harstad

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 10.12.2012

It’s been decades since anyone set foot on the moon. Now three ordinary teenagers, the

winners of NASA’s unprecedented, worldwide lottery, are about to become the first young people in space–and change their lives forever.

Mia, from Norway, hopes this will be her punk band’s ticket to fame and fortune.

 

Midori believes it’s her way out of her restrained life in Japan.

 

Antoine, from France, just wants to get as far away from his ex-girlfriend as possible.

 

It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, but little do the teenagers know that something sinister is waiting for them on the desolate surface of the moon. And in the black vacuum of space… no one is coming to save them.

 

In this chilling adventure set in the most brutal landscape known to man, highly acclaimed Norwegian novelist Johan Harstad creates a vivid and frightening world of possibilities we can only hope never come true.

My Review