Mardi Gras 2021

 I went to the 2021 Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras last Saturday. I go almost every year. It's Gay Christmas after all. It's a huge special event in the queer community. Usually I don't watch the parade though. I dress up, paint my face, and go clubbing with my friends. We have pre-drinks and then we head into the city and dance all night. Well my friends and partner dance all night. I start dancing, then space out, and end up going outside to make friends with total strangers. All the while spacing out hardcore. It took me awhile to realise there were certain triggers cropping up when I was out clubbing. I'm still trying to figure out the need to leave my group of friends, go outside, and socialise, but I'll get there.

There are several reasons why I don't usually watch the parade. Given Mardi Gras is a popular event of course you're going to have to get there early to grab a good spot for viewing. I don't like being hemmed in, touched and pushed, exposed to smells which will set off my allergies, and these are all things which happen during the parade. I realised recently the other thing I don't like about parades aren't the parades themselves, but the sensory stimulation. There's a lot going on. There's a great deal of noise. It puts me on edge.

This year, thanks to Covid, Mardi Gras was very different. I can appreciate the significance of having the parade march down Oxford St, the exposure it gives the surrounding businesses, but I learned it doesn't matter where we have the march we'll still have that loving, accepting, open, and wonderful atmosphere. It's one of the things I love about the queer community. A woman can walk around with her tits out and she doesn't get lewd catcalls, just cheers. 

I was very curious with how the parade was going to be done at the Sydney Cricket Ground. I think it was done really well. Straight away I appreciated the structure, the cleanliness, the enforcement of social distancing. Given I dissociate just about everywhere I go, especially in crowds, it was wonderful to not be overly triggered and only dissociate some of the time.

It was wonderful to see all the different groups, to appreciate the diversity within the queer community, and to see the spectacle of colours and costumes. I haven't actually seen the parade since I was 18 and I don't remember it. Unfortunately it is yet another black hole in my memory which I know is either a repressed event or hardcore dissociation at the time.

Speaking of dissociation, I did dissociate pretty hard when Rita Ora performed. I can assure you it wasn't her performance! I do remember flashes of it, but that's it. She must have given an excellent performance because a great deal of the spectators were jumping up and down in their seating areas. This is what made me dissociate. My OCD and PTSD brain converged by imagining the stadium collapsing under the weight of everyone jumping, sending us crashing to our deaths. It wouldn't be an event for me without jarring OCD images on repeat LOL.

While I do love the idea of heading into the city to enjoy Mardi Gras I wouldn't say no to a stadium-bound parade again.

Peace 🌈💕