Normal People by Sally Rooney

 Trigger Warning Note: Before I comment on this novel I want to make others aware of a possible trigger. I realised it was a trigger for me as lately I've been responding to triggers with overwhelming sadness. Halfway through the book there was an interaction between the main characters which made me want to cry. This, for me, is a large trigger response and I realised there were a few triggers earlier on. I read a sentence which made me question whether one of the characters was abused as a child and I want readers to be aware if you are also an adult survivor of child abuse. It's not a detailed account and the triggers earlier on in the story are more subtle, but they are still there.

At school Connell and Marianne pretend not to know each other. He’s popular and well-adjusted, star of the school soccer team while she is lonely, proud, and intensely private. But when Connell comes to pick his mother up from her housekeeping job at Marianne’s house, a strange and indelible connection grows between the two teenagers - one they are determined to conceal.

A year later, they’re both studying at Trinity College in Dublin. Marianne has found her feet in a new social world while Connell hangs at the sidelines, shy and uncertain. Throughout their years in college, Marianne and Connell circle one another, straying toward other people and possibilities but always magnetically, irresistibly drawn back together. Then, as she veers into self-destruction and he begins to search for meaning elsewhere, each must confront how far they are willing to go to save the other.

Just My Thoughts

Emotional Dysregulation? Maybe

 It's common for someone with (C)PTSD to have emotional dysregulation and issues with expressing their emotions. I know I do. I've always struggled with expressing my emotions. When you're a child and you're told your emotions are bad, or are punished for expressing them, doesn't it make sense to have an issue with expressing yourself?

When I was a child I was told my emotions were bad, I was punished for expressing them, I mostly received negative reactions to them whether I was sad, angry, frustrated, or happy. This continued for many years, after childhood, but by my adolescence I had learned to suppress them. I had learnt suppression is a good thing, it keeps you safe. Unfortunately, when you bottle them up, the emotions would be let out in extremes. To the point where I would make others uncomfortable or scare them. I myself would be frightened of their intensity and my inability to get a grip on myself again. 

I questioned, during my late adolescence and times of drawn-out emotional suppression, if I was a sociopath. I didn't understand then what was going on. Why didn't I have emotional responses like other people? Why wasn't I feeling anything at times? Emotions, to me, can be incredibly confusing. Most of the time I am questioning what I am feeling and the reaction I am having. I've become detached as a way to cope.

Crochet: Striped Mindless Scarf

So I was sick for a little over a week. I wasn't able to crochet, which is how I was able to tell how sick I was, but I still jumped on my stationary bike every day 🙄 That anxiety and OCD life, yo. It doesn't let up when you're sick.

Anyway...

I think I'm amassing a nice collection of scarves. I realised I still had tape yarn leftover from when I made my placemat settings, but didn't have enough left to create a tablecloth. I'm going to be using the tape yarn for scarves. It'll be interesting to work with, I do find tape yarn frustrating, but the yarn will make some lovely, chunky scarves.

Crochet: Ripple Scarf

This is the third project in my crochet challenge. Apparently I'm having a chevron, aka ripple stitch, binge. In other news I found someone to give my Red and Brown Oma blanket to. My delightful Nephew C came over with my Moeke for lunch and games. It's something we do every now and then. It was cold and I gave Nephew C the blanket to keep warm. He loved it, which is great, and I offered it to him for keeps. He has the best reaction to things too. He is forthright, positive, and enthusiastic when he comes across something he enjoys. So naturally his reaction to the blanket was only the best kind.

I've found somewhere to donate a few items as well. A women's shelter nearby is happy to accept some items and I'm currently on a mission to make them scarves, beanies, and cowls they can hand out during these cold months.

Challenge Item #3: Ripple Scarf

Dune by Frank Herbert

 

Set on the desert planet Arrakis, Dune is the story of the boy Paul Atreides, heir to a noble family tasked with ruling an inhospitable world where the only thing of value is the “spice” melange, a drug capable of extending life and enhancing consciousness. Coveted across the known universe, melange is a prize worth killing for...

When House Atreides is betrayed, the destruction of Paul’s family will set the boy on a journey toward a destiny greater than he could ever have imagined. And as he evolves into the mysterious man known as Muad’Dib, he will bring to fruition humankind’s most ancient and unattainable dream. 

Just My Thoughts

I began reading Dune, by Frank Herbert, in paperback and by page twenty five realised I should switch to the audiobook. Why? I wanted to finish it before my book club, but I also felt it would be easier listening rather than reading.