Catching Up II

 So it's May....

I was just checking what I posted last and realised my last post was March. What have I been doing in all that time? April felt like it was about four days long. Easter happened, therapy, more painting, plans for the future, Dune, and crochet.

I went to the Easter Show. Let's start there seeing as I went the first weekend after it opened and that's pretty much in the beginning of April. I was really excited about the Easter Show. I was more excited about it than I was about Mardi Gras which is saying something. Gay Christmas and all.

I hadn't been in a few years, I think. I was going to say I haven't been since I was 14, but I feel like I've gone as an adult and possibly repressed it... Either that or I went with someone I'm not fond of anymore. Either way - REPRESSED.

Basically I was excited because it was an event I could actually participate in and I haven't been post-PTSD-treatment. I may be midst treatment, but there's been so much progress. I want to try out things with my fresher level of awareness and with my grounding techniques in place. The Easter Show is also where I remember going to as a kid and watching the parade, but blocking it from my memory. Everything else around the parade I remember, including the large frog hat I wore and being on my father's shoulders, but the parade? Apparently fuck the parade. I didn't see it this time 'round either. I forgot about it.

I didn't flip out and enjoyed myself. I dissociated at times, but not all day. I even went on a ride, The Pirate's Revenge, and didn't hate it. I've now figured out heights can be scary, but it's more the vertigo I get and then the motion sickness from movement. I'll probably not go on a roller coaster, but I will consider more rides.

What else?

I've been spending more time with a couple of bio fam members (have I mentioned I think of my friends as family and then there's bio fam?) as one of my nephews is now living in the area. I've been able to see him quite a bit and my niece too. 

I always struggle with the idea of family as, yes, I do believe you can make your own family. Many queer people do and it works, but I find it also difficult in some ways. I've estranged myself from so much of my bio fam and I needed to in order for my PTSD treatment to really take root. There's way too many triggers there for me, but there are certain family members I have missed so much. It's been great having my nephew around. Our talks get spiritually philosophical and before you know it we've gone down a mind-bending rabbit hole. 

My new hobby, painting, is going really well. It's definitely a hobby now. I've almost filled out the pad of paper I got especially for it. I will be posting them up at some point, but I think I have to be in a sharing mood. I'm keeping the chopsticks on hand as my painting implement, but I've also embraced using brushes. I didn't like painting with brushes in the past, but then I remember it wasn't really a time for me to be painting. I was too angry and depressed about everything. Now I think I'm getting a real handle on it and I'm getting comfortable using a wide range of brush sizes.

I've started a few books. I started Dune for my book club then bought the audiobook because I had three days to read a 400+ book and realised that was insanity. Then book club got postponed and I'm sticking with the audiobook. I think I need new glasses because my eyes can't handle the print in that bastard of a book. 

I don't know if I like Dune yet, but my most recent painting features a desert... 

In other news I am going to Tasmania! In July! FUCK YOU AND FUCK OFF FRESH CLUSTER OF CASES because I WANT TO GO. I've never been to Tassie and I'm looking forward to it. It's for my partner's 40th birthday.  So fingers crossed this current cluster dies. Fingers crossed it fucks off anyway because none of us want more cases or another lockdown. I'm all for lockdowns and restrictions when needed, but it would be nice to not have them too.

I'm going to go paint some more, or play Divinity II. I dunno. Divinity is such an involved game I have to take 1-2 week breaks from it. There's so much going on in there and this past week the game has been gobbling up my days. I've still been able to tear myself away from the game and paint though. Yay for painting!

✌