The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

 Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 21.02.2016

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus per­formers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead.

Written in rich, seductive prose, this spell-casting novel is a feast for the senses and the heart.

My Review 

Still Alice by Lisa Genova

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 28.02.2016

Alice Howland is proud of the life she worked so hard to build. At fifty years old, she’s a cognitive psychology professor at Harvard and a world-renowned expert in linguistics with a successful husband and three grown children. 

When she becomes increasingly disoriented and forgetful, a tragic diagnosis changes her life–and her relationship with her family and the world–forever.

At once beautiful and terrifying, Still Alice is a moving and vivid depiction of life with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease that is as compelling as A Beautiful Mind and as unforgettable as Judith Guest’s Ordinary People.

My Review

My Reading Challenge for 2021

I'm giving myself a reading challenge this year! I used to be very big into them, as well as reading, but have set the bar low this year. I want to make it a joy to read rather than add pressure and overwhelm myself with stress. I'm giving myself permission to alter the goal and forgiveness if I don't finish it. This is something I have learnt during trauma therapy and having PTSD. It's great to set goals, or a challenge for instance, but not to the point of becoming obsessed and being overwhelmed. With my OCD I also get very preoccupied with lists and numbers so this works as a two-fold.... three-fold... maybe more folds... challenge for myself. I'll post about challenges next week. Challenges are important in combating things like OCD and repetitive behaviours.

My goal is to read a combination of pure entertainment books and books for personal growth and therapy. When it comes down to it all books will be read not out of obligation, but because I want to read them.

Challenge Totals: 22
Pure Entertainment: 11
Growth and Therapy: 11

So far I have some planned reading, but I'm keeping the planned numbers low. It helps I'm also creating a book club as motivation, inspiration, and socialisation! 

The Boy Who Could See Demons by Carolyn Jess-Cooke

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 06.03.2016

“I first met my demon the morning that Mum said Dad had gone.”

Alex Connolly is ten years old, likes onions on toast, and can balance on the back legs of his chair for fourteen minutes. His best friend is a 9000-year-old demon called Ruen.

When his depressive mother attempts suicide yet again, Alex meets child psychiatrist Anya. Still bearing the scars of her own daughter’s battle with schizophrenia, Anya fears for Alex’s mental health and attempts to convince him that Ruen doesn’t exist.

But as she runs out of medical proof for many of Alex’s claims, she is faced with a question: does Alex suffer from schizophrenia, or can he really see demons?

My Review

Dissociation isn't a Joke, but Gratitude is Sweet.

Following is a combination of topic and dissociating. You're welcome to read all of it or skip to the topic of gratitude by scrolling down to this highlighted colour.

While I was typing gratitude in the title the 'D' on my bluetooth keyboard decided it would pop out halfway. I use a bluetooth keyboard as my Mac is 10 years old and the built-in keyboard stopped working awhile ago. A year ago I probably would have seen this as a shitty thing. I'm used to things not working out right, but that's a subject for another post. I say, before I digress way down a rabbit hole.

Anyway, so gratitude. I've noticed when my perspective is stuck somewhere after going through a downward spiral I am far less open to suggestions and advice. I even have a post coming up about being defiant and combative with advice. Talk about a rabbit hole! I had to switch over to this draft half-way through because holy shit.... Alice hit the landing zone and fell through another hole. 

I'm triggered today. It's coming out in a tangent/dissociative mood. I will attempt to be as concise and on point as possible. I promise not to unleash my full Alice Brain on you, but this is what it's like when you have PTSD, OCD, blah blah, and are trying TO DO THE THING.

I need a moment. And after some very mindful eating....

Anhedonia!

I am excited.... I'm having a moment. In my first post I mentioned there is a condition I have and couldn't remember the name of it. Was having a brain fart. For days, apparently. All I could remember was there was an "A" and a "H."

In the original post I said I would post about it when I remembered the name, so here I am.

It's Anhedonia!

anhedonia

/ˌanhɪˈdəʊnɪə/

Learn to pronounce

noun

PSYCHIATRY

inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities.

THIS^ has been my life for the longest time. It's weird, I didn't really know the impact of it until things began to improve. Albeit marginally, but still improvement enough for me to have an "oh?" moment. 

Literally. 

I don't remember what I was doing, but one day I was in the middle of something and I felt enjoyment from my activity. It was fleeting, but it was wonderful.

I FELT SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

Originally Published on Bookish Ardour 20.03.2016

R is having a no-life crisis–he is a zombie. He has no memories, no identity, and no pulse, but he is a little different from his fellow Dead. He may occasionally eat people, but he’d rather be riding abandoned airport escalators, listening to Sinatra in the cozy 747 he calls home, or collecting souvenirs from the ruins of civilisation.

And then he meets a girl.

First as his captive, then his reluctant guest, Julie is a blast of living color in R’s gray landscape, and something inside him begins to bloom. He doesn’t want to eat this girl–although she looks delicious–he wants to protect her. But their unlikely bond will cause ripples they can’t imagine, and their hopeless world won’t change without a fight.

My Review

Hello?

Hmm, the first post. I used to love the first post on a new blog. I used to love blogging. I used to blog so much I have neglected blogs on several different platforms gathering cyber dust.

The thing is, I want to blog again, but I have this issue... I forget the name of the condition, but it's one of those things usually associated with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. I have all three and OCD which, after years, led to me realising I struggled to feel enjoyment with past hobbies. I kept saying I liked or loved something, but I wasn't really feeling it.

When I figure out the name of the condition, again, I will blog about it.

So after no blogging for years I decided to start back up again.