Catching Up

I've been distracted lately. Or maybe the right term is busy. In a good way, mostly. 

My back has decided sitting at the dining table to type is not cool. I'm doing physio three times a week and a bunch of exercises three times a day. It's kinda made me not want to type or blog, but today I am taking over my partner's desk as she is in the office. I felt inspired.

I finished a great psychology book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, and began a new one, Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. It's a big deal for me after the anhedonia and depression. I realised the other day I had begun a trilogy in January 2020, made it to the sequel, only to lose reading momentum at page 378. 378! That's some effort and yet apparently not enough for me lol. So, yeah, big deal for me.

I've officially started a book club. We're getting things underway, have chosen our first book, and have set the date for our first meet up. I had a book club years ago which I ran for two years. Unfortunately I was so triggered at the time, and unaware of it, that book club wasn't a fun experience for me. This time will be different and I'm quite excited.

I saw my clinical psychologist for the first time this year. Have I come up with a nickname for her yet? I'm not a big fan of using people's names in my blogs unless it's authors. It's a combination of privacy and not having asked permission as yet. Maybe I could just rename everyone with a colour. I'll call her Mrs Yellow. Bright, but soothing.

It was a good session and because I hadn't seen her since December there was a lot of catching up to do! I had a great deal of positives to update Mrs Yellow on and we both noted the progress I have made since I first began seeing her. 

I do have new challenges. I haven't blogged about this yet, but challenges are a thing which is great in my therapy. They are mostly to challenge my negative thoughts, my OCD thoughts and compulsions, a way to reroute my neural pathways, and of course challenging my anxiety. 

Anxiety is a bitch. Depression is too, but at least you know there's a chemical imbalance element there. My serotonin levels are shitty. Apart from an SSRI I also need to utilise chemical-inducing activities like exercise. If I can balance those two elements I can then get to a place where the depression is almost just background noise.

The anxiety on the other hand needs to be challenged because a big part of it is your thoughts and perceptions being out of whack. I know that might sound simplified and easy to overcome, but it isn't. It's just the best way I can describe it right now. These thoughts and perceptions are really ingrained. A lot of the time they are there because I have learnt a coping mechanism to keep me safe, or an abuser has taught me something, or I feel unsafe. Except I'm not unsafe right now, hence rerouting my neural pathways.

One of my challenges is being less isolated and developing hobbies which involve socialising. Book club falls into that, but there are other ways which I will blog about later.

I'm feeling good lately. More optimistic and better in-tune with my emotions. That's where I'm at right now. 

Peace 💗